Triangulation in families is a common but often overlooked phenomenon that can cause significant harm to relationships within a family system. Triangulation occurs when one person in a relationship involves a third party in order to avoid direct communication and deal with conflicts. This can lead to distorted communication, emotional distancing, and damaged relationships. Understanding this type of toxic behavior in families and its effects is crucial for those looking to heal from its impact and create healthier relationships.
What is triangulation in families?
Triangulation in families is a pattern of communication where one person seeks the support of a third party instead of addressing conflicts directly with their partner. This third party may be a family member, friend, therapist, or even an inanimate object, such as alcohol or drugs. The purpose of triangulation is to avoid direct communication and shift the focus of the conflict away from the two people involved.
The Effects of Triangulation in Families:
Triangulation in families can have a damaging effect on relationships within a family system. Some of the common effects include:
- Distorted Communication: This type of toxic behavior can lead to misunderstandings and misinterpretations of messages being sent between family members.
- Emotional Distancing: When triangulation occurs, it can create emotional distance between family members, leading to feelings of isolation and disconnection.
- Damaged Relationships: Triangulation in families can cause significant damage to relationships within a family system, making it more difficult for family members to trust each other and work together.
Recognizing Triangulation in Your Family:
Triangulation in families can be difficult to recognize, as it often happens unconsciously. However, there are some signs that may indicate that this type of manipulation is occurring within your family dynamic:
- Avoiding Direct Communication: If you or a family member consistently seeks the support of a third party instead of communicating directly with each other, this may be a sign of triangulation.
- Escalating Conflicts: If conflicts within your family seem to escalate quickly and become more difficult to resolve, triangulation may be playing a role.
- Emotional Distance: If you or a family member feel emotionally distant from each other, this may be a sign of triangulation.
Healing from Triangulation in Families:
Some steps that may be helpful in healing include:
- Practice Direct Communication: Instead of seeking the support of a third party, try to communicate directly with your family members about conflicts and issues.
- Seek Professional Help: If triangulation has caused significant damage to your family relationships, seeking the support of a therapist or counselor can be helpful in healing and rebuilding trust.
- Create Healthy Boundaries: Establishing healthy boundaries with family members can help prevent triangulation from happening and promote direct communication.
- Foster Emotional Connection: Making an effort to connect emotionally with your family members can help heal from the effects of triangulation and strengthen relationships.
The Win-Lose Attitude of Personality Disorders
People with Cluster B personality disorders, such as NPD and BPD, tend to view and judge themselves in relation to their competition with others. This competitive or “win-lose” attitude can sometimes turn malicious, leading a person with a personality disorder to seek ways to undermine or manipulate someone they view as a threat.
How Narcissistic Personality Disorder Uses Triangulation
People with NPD may use triangulation to increase their feelings of superiority, secure their self-esteem, and devalue others while keeping potential competitors off-balance. This behavior is not that different from the kids who use triangulation to navigate middle and high school status wars. NPD individuals may use triangulation to maintain their sense of control and power over those around them.
How Borderline Personality Disorder Uses Triangulation
People with BPD focus on receiving reassurance that they are loved to avoid feelings of abandonment. They may use this form of behavior to manipulate someone to feel jealous in order to prove their love and commitment to them. BPD individuals may use triangulation as a way to seek attention and validation from others, while also creating chaos in their relationships.
Let’s recap
Triangulation in families is a common but often overlooked phenomenon that can cause significant harm to relationships within a family system. Understanding triangulation and its effects is crucial for those looking to heal from its impact and create healthier relationships. By practicing direct communication, seeking professional help, creating healthy boundaries, and fostering emotional connection, it is possible to heal from this type of toxic manipulation and strengthen family relationships.
Remember, it is never too late to work towards a healthier, more connected family dynamic.
